My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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