beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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