She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
