Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
