haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
