I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
