i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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