I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
