My balls are so social today.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
