Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This is the high leading the old right now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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