You smell like stripper and shame
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
