Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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