her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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