# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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