A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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