Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
