i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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