i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
