Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
