susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
