The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
