Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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