so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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