where does the pee come out of this thing
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
