I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.