Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?