Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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