she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize