Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
