And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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