I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
