This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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