as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
