Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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