Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
