You can't motorboat a personality
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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