He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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