everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
