It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
