You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
