do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
50% drunk capacity currently
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
