did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
