I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
