I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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