Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
