You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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