My balls are so social today.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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