i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They are going to name an STD after you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
