i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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