I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
