I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
