i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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