I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
