ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
