he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize