Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.