So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
sex in a hospital.. check
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?