my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.