Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off