i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
