remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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