thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
