Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
