there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
