He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
