ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Vodka?
Forever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
