Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
