i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
