i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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