woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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