Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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