they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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