I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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