Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
