On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
PANTIES FOUND
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