The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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